You Can't, Cuz You're a GIRL

When Hillary Clinton lost the presidential election, she made it a point to address the women, and the girls of the country in her concession speech. She was urging us not to loose hope, and to know that one day we will break through the glass ceiling. I watched her speech on YouTube, and I decided to look at the comments to see what others thought. Many of the comments were not too positive, and one comment I read was criticizing her for saying this. They were saying that Hillary was implying that Trump was responsible for the mistreatment of women. Hillary was not talking about Trump at all, she was addressing the attitudes that many Americans expressed during the election by saying they will not vote for her only because she is a woman. Hillary felt the need to say this in her speech because there were countless tweets from voters that said they did not want a woman president. These people made it clear that it had nothing to do with Hillary as a person, but it was because of her gender. In the past few weeks I have been reflecting on my own life to see how being born female has affected the person I have become. Before I get into all of the detail, I would like to say that I do not blame anyone for the outcome.

For as long as I can remember I was always expected to do certain things around the house… now, I know it is because of my gender. If I had time off from school the responsibility of keeping the kitchen clean throughout the day fell on me. I was also expected to clean other parts of the house as well as any cooking. I remember one time I had a week off of school and I decided I was going to have a lazy day, so I slept in, watched movies and read a book. Once my mother arrived home from work she was unhappy with me for not doing the dishes or anything else around the house. I agree with her, I should not have turned a blind eye to all the work that NEEDED to be done, because she then came home from work and had to do it all. Nowadays, I feel guilty if I sleep past 9 am, because I am well aware of all the work that NEEDS to be done.

With this backstory in mind I would like to shift some attention to my brother, who was in fact born male. Whenever he has his days off (as an adult) he will sleep in, and will sit on the couch all day. I do not understand how he can do that week after week when there is so much that NEEDS to be done. One evening I came home after work and saw that my brother was watching TV, just as he was when I left. On this particular day, I was tired and decided to join him on the couch. Once I sat down, my mother called out to me to wash the dishes. I told her I wanted to sit for 5 minutes then I would l get up and help her in the kitchen. As I was sitting there for those 5 minutes, I became very angry... I just got home from work… SHE just got home from work… why are WE the ones in the kitchen preparing dinner? Why did she call out to me to wash the dishes and not my brother? Because we are the women folk, this is our JOB. My entire life I have been conditioned to do house work and cook, to the point where I feel guilty when I take a break from it. Whereas, my brother does not even notice how dirty something is because he has never been expected to do such domestic tasks.

As I said before, I do not blame anyone for the outcome. My parents did the best job they knew, and maybe placing gender roles on my siblings and I was unintentional. As far as I remember, all three of us were expected to do all of the housework. However, my sister and I were the only ones who were more inclined to actually doing it because we were under more pressure from our parents. My parents were simply passing on what they learned and they also understood how important gender roles are in the Indian culture. I have thought long, hard and critically about this topic and I feel that EVERYONE, male and female, should know how to cook and clean. These are basic skills for survival, they are not skills only for the women folk. I have decided that I will not be a part of the cycle. I do not see differences in gender or skin color, we are human and we all need to know how to survive life, which includes cooking and cleaning. We have to be the change we wish to see. I would like to see the first woman president in my lifetime, but it won’t happen if we keep feeding into the cycle.

Recently, my father was telling me a story about one of my cousins. He traveled to Canada to meet a girl for a potential marriage match. This match did not workout because he felt the girl was unable to hold an intelligent conversation. He decided that this was not going to work out for him. The girl’s mother then asked my cousin if he knew how to cook an Indian dish… now from an untrained perspective (a male perspective among others), you may think that this was a random, unrelated, catty, immature response, but let me break this down for you. I heard a woman trying to sell her daughter on the point that she knows how to cook, who cares that she cannot hold his interest through conversation?! At least my cousin would not go hungry. This is the thing that prevents young girls’ dreams of breaking the glass ceiling as Hillary attempted to do this election season. This is the thinking that made Hillary lose the election.

A part of breaking the glass ceiling is to educate our girls. I am blessed that I have parents who told me to study as much as I wanted. Receiving an education was the most important thing in my family. My siblings and I were raised with the idea that people can take away material things from you, but your knowledge and education will remain with you always. I have a friend who was never expected to attend college, her parents wanted to marry her off right after high school. I know that my friend wanted to achieve so much, she was ready to change to world. However, her parents did not see that as being important or maybe they couldn’t afford college. Whatever the case maybe, I am sure their sons did not have to worry about being forced into marriage. In the end my friend got to go to college, and I know she did exactly what she wanted. Breaking one glass ceiling at a time.

Looking to the past will not solve the problems of the present. We need to stop and think about what we can do today to avoid the same problems in the future. As a young woman, I will not let my past define what I can do. All the things that NEED to be done can wait. I know I have the power to do whatever I want to do. It has taken me 25 years to realize this, imagine if I knew this from day one!!!!! Parents, Aunties, Uncles, teachers, and mentors, I am reaching out to you. Never let a little girl feel she cannot do something because she is just a girl. Tell her she CAN because she IS a girl!