Who Knew? Being Different is not THAT Bad!

Ever looked at yourself in the mirror and saw a brown face looking back, or if you are a white face maybe you just realized you have a nice tan going on? Nothing to be overly excited about... right? It is you, just like yesterday and the day before that and before that! Well, when I began my studies at Sonoma State University, I realized that the face I saw in the mirror everyday for 18 years was now “exotic!” I was being told that I was a goddess and I was gorgeous. A brown face in a sea of white ones stood out like a sore thumb. In the beginning I felt very uncomfortable. A professor remembered me a couple years after I took her big introductory class. This particular class was over a hundred students and I was surprised that she remembered me! In the initial stages of being pointed out in front of my peers this way felt uncomfortable, but as time went on I began to make the most of my uniqueness!

I am sure I am not the only one who has used my uniqueness, exoticness and beauty to my advantage. The first couple of years I had a hard time adjusting to life at a campus with very little diversity, my schoolwork suffered, but I quickly realized how my being different was not a bad thing at all. It was up to me to either see myself as a victim of circumstance or see myself with a great opportunity to teach others. As I look back I wasn’t only wanting to teach others, but also capitalizing on my being different. I started writing papers and doing presentations around my heritage. In high school I was in a program called Upward Bound, and in that program we would have potlucks and presentations on culture from various parts of the world. Our differences were celebrated. It intrigued others to learn something different. During my time in SSU, I did a presentation in which I spoke for an hour and half! I am one who dreads public speaking, but I spoke about something I was so passionate about for such a long time and I did not even realize it. This was my way of celebrating my uniqueness.

It has always been of interest to me why I was seen as an exotic person. What did that even mean? All the definitions I found on the internet did not even refer to exotic as being a person. The definition was referring to more exotic foods and exotic plants. Most of them also indicated that it meant something of foreign land, not native to the country. If that is the case, how am I exotic? I am not of foreign land. I was born and raised here, so therefore that makes me a native of this country. I am very clear on my identity now, but there was a time when I struggled to be the “good Indian wife.” What the heck is that anyway? Did the title of being exotic simply mean that I looked different from the people that were around me? I am still trying to figure that part out! If any of you out there know please tell me in the comments section below!

Despite my being nervous about the lack of diversity at Sonoma State University, I went on to complete my Masters at the same university. I wrote my thesis on Hindu goddesses. It was all about my process work, but again I used my being different to my advantage. I saw the eagerness in my classmates’ eyes in wanting to learn more, so I took different subjects from Indian religions and cultural traditions and history and wrote about them and presented on them. This is where my success came from in my undergraduate and graduate degrees. In the process I also learned quite a bit about where my family comes from!

Just a couple of weeks ago I went to a Tony Robbins seminar. This seminar was quite eye-opening! I learned a lot about myself and most importantly, I learned how much I have internalized what others consider as beautiful. Just the other night I went to the temple with my husband and children, and we decided to take an elderly woman with us. She just recently became widowed and we thought it would be nice for her to get out of her home. When we were walking from the car to the temple I saw her scanning me from head to toe. Right at that point, I knew that she was probably going to make some comment about my physical appearance before the night ended. I was wearing glasses and a simple kurta (an Indian Tunic with two slits on both sides) with leggings and my hair pulled back in a pony tail. When I was alone with her, she said to me, “please don’t mind my child, but you should wear really nice outfits to the temple. Your husband always dresses so nice and looks handsome and you should match him.” Ever since I had my son, I like to wear what doesn't need too much maintenance. I have always considered myself simple, not ugly nor gorgeous. Tony Robbins gave us an exercise to work through our limiting beliefs and what fears hold us back in achieving our goals. This old widow was one of them! I had internalized a lot of this over the course of my life. Other people always told me how I was not pretty enough, I actually began to think it. Well I don’t anymore! I had a very powerful revelation and realized that the person I live with most is myself, and THAT person’s opinion matters the most! I say, “I am a beautiful goddess! What that woman said was bullshit!”

What I did in my University years was take advantage of my difference, but I never truly knew or felt that there was anything special about me. As young ladies, especially, we are put through the ringer. We are expected to look good all the time, with flat bellies, perky boobs, slender figure, a painted face to hide all the flaws and fancy clothes. The question is according to whom am I looking good? When someone first told me that I was exotic all those years ago at Sonoma State, I almost felt a little shy and embarrassed. I did not know how to receive such a comment/compliment. Someone 2 weeks ago gave me some wonderful compliments. She said that I looked like a beautiful goddess and sexy and and and and and and... I stood and received all the wonderful things she said about me and I did not get embarrassed about it. I took them into my heart. I own my exoticness! That is what we need to do. OWN who we are and not let these people tell us what they believe. Remember that you live with yourself the most, as long as you are confident and love yourself anyone’s comments about you will not go to your heart. Insecurities and confidence comes from within. People on the outside just magnify what you feel! Don't let other’s feed your insecurities!