Mutual Respect

“Respect your elders!” Just like many people, I was raised with this value screaming at me at every moment of everyday. This is not a bad value to have, however, there was always something about this statement that just didn't click with me. It wasn’t until I was older, I realized that in addition to respecting my elders, I also internalized that I was not worthy of respect myself because I am not an elder. I was the youngest in my family, and I never heard the end of it, no matter what I said or did it was subject to criticism.

As a child, I remember that I was told not to speak when elders are having a conversation, this was damaging to me as a kid. I did not have value or the confidence in my own voice and ability to make a conversation more fruitful. It wasn't until I got older did I realize that this was a problem for me. I learned that I had a real fear of public speaking and I could do something about it or I could let it control my life. Why was it that I felt that I didn't add any value? I knew that there was something I needed to do. So when I was in university, I decided to become a mentor for a leadership program and this position involved teaching a class of my peers. Yes, teaching… a person who has a fear of public speaking would dream of this… more like have nightmares. HA! But through this process, I learned that the root of the lack of confidence on my part was because I respected my elders and truly believed that I should not speak when they are talking. I then wondered when I would be an elder, so I could speak freely! The truth was I would never be worthy of speaking because the idea was ingrained so deeply in my brain that it became a part my life. I needed to work at changing my frame of mind and the best way to do that was full immersion… teaching once a week.

I remember that I challenged the notion of respecting my elders as a middle schooler. I had a History teacher in the 7th grade, and he never taught us anything. He definitely tried at the beginning of the school year, but as time went on and the kids did not show him respect he gave up. Despite all of this happening I was still there to learn. That is why I came to school everyday. One day the teacher yelled, “You fools need to learn how to clean up after yourselves!” While the rest of the class carried on their side conversations, I said something to the teacher before thinking, without remembering that he was my elder. I said, “If we are fools, it is because teachers like you do not teach us.” As soon as those words escaped my mouth, panic spread throughout my entire body and my neck got stiff. I gathered my things and ran out of the classroom as quickly as I could. The next day, I was expecting to get sent to the office to explain what happened the day before. I went to class, I avoided eye contact with my teacher, and took out homework from another class in order to look busy. “Hareena,” I heard my teacher say my name, and I froze and my stomach began to do something … was it my lunch? “Here it comes,” I thought. I managed to look up and say, “yes?” There my teacher stood and he said, “Hareena, you were right. I am you teacher and it's not fair to you that I don't teach.” After that day he ran his class very differently. At the time I let the moment pass me by, I didn't know the impact this would have on me many years later, and I sure as hell didn’t know the impact it had on my teacher... I was just being a rebellious preteen.

What is my point? … Oh yes! Respect. My teacher could have easily gotten mad and written me up for the simple fact that I was being disrespectful, however, I was a good student. I never caused any problems and always did what was expected of me. In other words I was respectful. This teacher never said anything to me, but that day he unintentionally called me a fool and I knew that I was anything but. He disrespected me and I responded, I spoke up for myself. His response was a respectful one. Whatever I said I must have struck a nerve, and he must have realized that I was right. For the rest of the school year my teacher TAUGHT us! For a moment of disrespect, I was able to make an impact. Perhaps my actions reminded him why he became a teacher. So … should I ALWAYS respect my elders?

I believe that we all should respect each other, as a sign of human kindness. However, when we teach children that they should respect elders only because they are “elders,” it tells the child that they are not worthy of respect from their elders. There comes a point where someone’s age is no longer relevant, and respect becomes equal. Respect should be mutual between 2 human beings regardless of their age. My teacher, had respect from me in the beginning because he was the teacher, but the moment he call me and my peers “fools” he had lost that mutual respect for disrespecting me. I knew that I was not a fool and it was time that I stood up for myself. The situation resulted in something amazing, my fears for speaking out were eliminated and I learned actual History for the rest of the school year.

Everyone deserves respect. No matter age is or walk of life, human kindness goes a long way. The lack of respect is also damaging, I saw that first hand and it took me years to overcome the ideas that were ingrained in me. However, respect is not that simple, everyone has a different idea of what respect is. From personal experience, my definition has changed over the years. It went from “Respect your elders,” to “show respect and human kindness to everyone.” When you have different experiences, it changes how you think about life. A major part about how you think, is directly related to your environment and how you were raised. “Respect your elders” was how I was raised, and “show respect and human kindness to everyone” is a reflection of my life experience and what I know to be my truth. My take away at the end of the day is to always be kind, you never know how your actions impact others.

~Loka Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu <3 (Sanskrit mantra meaning I wish happiness upon the world, and I hope my actions will contribute to that happiness in someway.)