Did YOU really pick your clothes this morning?

As women, from a very early age, we begin getting messages on how we need to dress. Whether it be from media or people in our respective communities, everyone has an opinion on how others should dress. We are told what is appropriate and if we test that social norm, we may be called names or given disapproving looks. In the last year or so, I began wearing dresses. In high school, I wore men’s khaki pants but in my second year of college I shifted from men’s pants to women’s pants and fitted shirts. Until now, I had not thought of wearing dresses because I have always felt uncomfortable about showing my body. When I was pregnant with my daughter I found that I really enjoyed wearing dresses because it was too damn HOT with them pregnancy hormones! It felt better wearing dresses in the heat and I liked how I felt when I wore them. I have always felt a disconnect with my femininity. I was raised to be strong and always felt that showing feminine attributes was a sign of weakness. I bought a few dresses that would look good with capri leggings and then at the end of last summer I bought my first “real” dress. Oh yeah!... just about above the knees.

Most of my life, I would not have had enough confidence to wear a nice dress at knee length. I was always hearing this voice in my head telling me how it was not the way a good Indian girl should dress. Often times I would joke about my “chicken legs,” when in reality it was more about the fact that I wished to wear dresses, but the voice was telling me that I couldn't wear clothes like that. As a child I wore all types of clothes and my parents did not tell us how we should dress, so where did this notion come from? The environment around me called society. I have always loved getting dressed up in Indian clothes, which was my way of being feminine without showing my body. Although, I love the Indian clothes, I know that by the time I get home I cannot wait to get out of them! This has definitely become more the case since I have become a mom of two young children. It is much easier to run after my children while wearing leggings and a dress than wearing an Indian outfit. I am still maintaining femininity even when I am not wearing an Indian outfit.

There was one time when my mother told me not to wear a tank top in front of my father. I remember feeling a bit awkward because my parents had never expected us to dress a certain way. Perhaps my mother felt the need to say something at that point in time because I was away from home, living at the university dorms. There was an understanding that we should wear clothes that are respectful and appropriate. What does that mean really? Well… to me that meant that I wasn’t going to wear clothes that wouldn’t be too revealing. I did not need to cover my whole body, head to toe, but something like a tube top or a mini skirt was out of the question! A tank top did not seem to be so bad… at least I thought! The kind of Indian dresses I wore as a child covered mostly everything except arms, and that concept was comfortable to me. This transferred in my choice of western clothing… or so I thought it was my choice.

A recent incident reminded me of how people outside of the home influence my perception on what was appropriate and what wasn't. A couple of weeks ago we went through a heat wave and on the weekend we decided to go out to the local farmers market. I was wearing a dress just above the knees. My children were sitting in the double stroller, and as we went to different vendors I was speaking to my children in Punjabi. An older Indian lady covered head to toe in slacks, long sleeve shirt, sweater and tennis shoes, heard me speaking to my children and looked me up and down. I saw what she was doing and when she looked back at my face I made sure to make eye contact. When that happened, she quickly looked away with a blank expression. Her actions were reflective of what she was thinking about me while looking me up and down. When I make eye-contact with a stranger my first instinct is to say hello or smile!

I asked a friend of mine whose family is from Iran about how she was expected to dress growing up. She had told me that her family was very traditional. She was expected to keep covered at all times; pants, long-sleeve shirts. She was not allowed to show skin. When she got married she was able to express herself a bit more freely without always being compared to others as to how she should dress. Once she got married she went into a less traditional family and began to wear dresses, colored her hair and got her nails done from time to time. In my family I do not feel I was ever compared to dress like another or be a certain way. However, in my friend’s case, it wasn't so much outside influence, rather influence from her own family.

When I got married my husband’s family was a bit more traditional than mine. I was in between jobs because of my move after marriage and although my new place of employment needed me, they agreed to wait a couple of extra weeks for me to settle down. My in-laws were still with us from Dubai for another two weeks while I worked. My first day at work I got ready and came out of my room to my mother in-law in the kitchen, she sized me up and then asked, “are you wearing THAT to work?” I was wearing pants and a nice shirt! What was wrong in that? In retrospect, I could have worn an Indian outfit, but my conditioning told me that if I am going to an office job I should wear nice pants and a shirt. I now feel it is a great thing to be able to express yourself through clothing. Why should society dictate how we should dress? I say that it shouldn’t, but I also know that from a young age it is out there for little girls to see. That is why as parents, we have to screen what our children are exposed to.

Growing up barbie was the toy to have, I had one! In present day, however, I have come across many parents who say no to Barbie for their daughters. She represents a hidden message in our culture of what a desired look is, and the younger generations are going to have no part in it. Now that I have a daughter of my own, I have also decided that no doll, Barbie or resembling a Barbie will make it into my home. While deconstructing my own notions about how I SHOULD dress, it has been a tough journey. I never thought about all the influences shaping the way in which I dress, but here it is staring me in the face everyday! So, when you get dressed in the morning, do me a favor and answer one question, why have you chosen to wear what you’re wearing?

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