Will you be my Valentine?

Valentine’s Day, a beautiful holiday celebrated globally. On February 14th every year people go out of their way to honor those whom they love. Romantic dinners, making cards, getting candy etc. As I started thinking, I realized how similar romance across cultures. As per my good friend, Google, romance is defined as, “a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.” Here in the west we believe in dating and testing out the waters, living with the person before the next step (may or may not be marriage), wooing the other person, and PDA (public display of affection). In many of the eastern cultures it is quite the opposite. As we talked about in a previous post, when meeting potential significant others, the intent of marriage is very clear. The rest that people do before marriage in the western world is done after marriage in the East. I had the eastern experience. I spoke to my husband a lot on the phone before marriage and saw him occasionally, but my first “date” was after I married him. Something as simple as going out to dinner alone was so special to us because we weren’t allowed to do so before we got married.

Before I agreed to have an arranged marriage I was unsure of whether I wanted to go down that road or the road of love marriage. Why? The reason being that I want the man I would eventually marry to work at winning my affection. He would appreciate me more if he had to jump through hoops to get me. In an arranged setting I may not get that because he did not have to work to get my yes for a marriage proposal. I, however, made arranged marriage work for me. I did not say yes to my husband right away. I made him sweat a little, until I accepted his proposal. I had already decided I did not want to find someone myself. I am introverted and felt it would be too out of my element to go out and find someone. We had our romantic moments, holding hands and giving one another special gifts and moments to cherish, most of them just had to be remote, and I was okay with that! Because of the fact that there were few and far between moments, that was all the more reason to cherish those moments even more. Even something as simple as going to a shopping mall was something I enjoyed doing because it was time that I could spend getting to know my significant other.

I was on an escalator one evening at a shopping complex and saw a couple walking with their arms wrapped around each other’s backs. I thought to myself, “how beautiful is that?” When I see a gentleman open a door for lady, I find that romantic. Anything my husband does for me to make me feel that I am the most special, in my book, is to be noted as a romantic gesture. Flowers to say you are thinking of me, or my favorite chocolates, or simply cooking my favorite meal! The main thing is that he gives me time to listen and engage with me. This is my definition of the word. What may seem to be a small thing is yet the most precious of anything in the world and that is time.

I recently heard a very popular Punjabi song where in the intro a wife is complaining that she is suspicious of her husband because he is always getting calls and leaving their home. She starts to curse him when an elderly woman stops her and says, “husbands and wives have been fighting since the beginning of time, and what woman is happy with her husband anyway?!” Another woman chimes in and says her husband is a drunk and the last one says, “I haven’t even spoken to mine in two months.” This got me thinking about chivalry, is it dead? I think that this song depicts that when we have been with someone for so long we tend to get comfortable with the idea that this person will always be around. As a result, there is no need to go out of one’s way to open doors, bring flowers, or even tell him/her “I love you” on a regular basis. With technology growing at a fast pace, romance has become easier. One can express themselves with a simple text. How lovely would your significant other’s day be if you just sent a “thinking of you” message?

What comes to mind when you think romantic? What is the ideal relationship? I asked these questions to a few of my friends and they mirrored what I said. They also added that not just having a physical relationship, but also having some sort of spiritual connection with the person as well. If the spiritual connection is not there, then you may as well be single!

The main point is not even getting material things from your romantic partner, but getting the investment of the most important thing in life, TIME. There is nothing more precious than that. I do not want to be the person trying to do other things and realize many years from now that I missed all the wonderful things in my husband's life. I will admit that sometimes I am guilty of getting caught up in life and forget to smell the roses, but that is something I am trying to work on. Slowing down and loving those in my life! Keeping the excitement and mystery in your romantic life is something that needs work all the time, and is a very essential part of every relationship to make it work. Think about how you operate. Do you stop to smell the roses put on your pathway?